Why do we read?: Empathy

http://ideas.time.com/2013/06/03/why-we-should-read-literature/

The title of the article says "Why should we read?" but my puzzle is, "Why do we read?". My daughter has become a bookworm and nicknamed, Kinko after a Kinjoro Minomiya who is famous as an intensive and extensive reader (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ninomiya_Sontoku). She was addicted to stories and always carry a book in her hand wherever she went before iPhone era. She still reads, but book addiction has shifted to online addiction. Some may argue she still reads a lot of texts online and it is just a matter of different platform to read- from Physical book to digital ones. But I have been wondering if it is the case. My heart tells me that these are absolutely different experiences. There is some kind of magic to the reading with physical books, but I couldn't say articulately what it is. This article with scientific researches did the job for me. It is the depth of reading. The simple paper and ink nothing else invites you to the world of stories, the collaborative work of storytelling with the author of the book. It takes your mind to live in the story. The simplicity of the physical books allows you to have the space to be as creative and imaginative as you can be. Within the space or the entity, you become a co-author of the story. But such reading takes some time and space to be immersed.  In the fast-paced and instant online world, the depth and freedom of the mind will most likely suffer in order to catch up the speed and distracted by so many other stimuli.

The human race has a fairly long history and evolved constantly. But for a simple minded person like myself, a deep thinking process requires simplicity of a physical book and inner dialogue with its author. Without such a deep thinking process, some feelings such as empathy that requires vivid imagination and sensitivity to all your senses can't be developed. Without empathy, your sentiments are paralyzed and become edgy and abusive at worst.

In the children's conversation, I often hear those abusive words are exchanged so casually and frequently. I wonder how you can feel someone else's aches  and how you can live in peace and harmony with others without empathy.

Yesterday I got one of bestseller books about a high school girl who transformed from F student to A+ and entered Keio university, one of prestigious academic institutions in Japan. On the journey from the bottom to the top, she met some inspiring literature and a teacher and realized her potential and acquired empathy. Now this book is in my daughter's hand who is standing at a crucial time of her life. I am sure this story resonates with her and inspires her to hear her true voice.

A note before writing the last chapter of MA Mama.

Back in 2011, I was skeptical if I would be able to enroll the TESOL master's course at Aston. To my surprise, I got enough overall score in IELTS in the first attempt. With a little mistake in paper work, my enrollment became official in April, 2012. By July in 2012, I managed to pass the foundation module which was the first introductory module of the course. By March in 2013, I passed the second module which was the most challenging one for me, Methodology with so many struggling. Passing this module accelerated my motivation to complete the third module, the most unfamiliar one, Written and Spoken Discourse Analysis. With so many helping hands and minds, I completed the paper by  October, 2013. Having written two research papers in one year got me a wild aim to complete the third one. Due to the familiarity of the module, Teaching Young Learners, I could achieve the challenging goal. As soon as I completed the third research paper, I registered the fifth module, The Course and Material Design in January, 2014. And today, I have received an official letter from Aston which notifies me that I have earned 80 credits. I got two months to write the last module assignment and the  dissertation awaits for me to nail down.
As I have said so many times, this is the biggest academic challenge for me to pursue. What I have learned so far and insights to worth sharing is that even a mediocre person like myself with no particular  talent might be able to achieve something unimaginable with determination and lots and lots of helping hands from brilliant minds. I haven't gotten the degree yet, but the journey so far has been full of unexpected discoveries. I got a feeling that I would find more of myself at the end of this journey regardless of the outcome. Of course, I would love to write the last chapter with successful ending, but I have no question that it will be a happy one.

Unexpected words

I am a quitter. I admit I get interested in so many things. But I never accomplished anything to be a pro-level. Then why haven't I quit learning English with the kids? This question is a recurrent one and pop up in my mind now and then.

Yesterday, I realized, "That's it! Because of this kind of moment!" This moment happened yesterday when I told kids that I might not be able to see them in the next academic year because I have no idea where I would work.  I expected total apathy from them because the class has been super noisy and some kids got an attitude of teens. Their faces often say, "Whatever.." to me. And also it was the open school day, but nobody even tried to participate in the lesson, showing no motivation nor interests at all. I thought it was a total failure and the middle finger in my face. So, I didn't expect any of surprised faces. In fact, I expected no emotions from kids. To my surprise, some kids went, "Oh, no!" And those who got the attitudes said, "Boo!I want you to be our English teacher!" While I was in shock to utter anything, one of the noisiest and most challenged kids said to me,

I prefer you to teach us English. I don't understand English much, but I like your classes. 

In my twisted grown-up mind started asking those questions: Was he joking? Is that sarcasm? He didn't mean it? Is that real? But then, I didn't care whether he meant it or not. That's what he said and it means a lot to me. I felt sad to know how my mind work nowadays for a second. Then, with all the mixed emotions came up from the heart and I was speechless for a while trying to hold the tears. "...... Wow, " I said and looked into his eyes. They were sincere without any hints of smart-ass-ness.

From his words,  I realized I might be able to conceal my feelings, but I judged them only through my narrow perspective. It was disgustingly arrogant of me to judge some of kids just because they do not act as I expected. I really disgust myself from time to time. I learned again from kids that I should never assume how they feel. Never!Never!

If I ever get a chance to learn English with him again, I will thank him and promise that I would do my best. I might also ask him to help me to make the class more pleasurable via listening to each other more.

Rain Won't

At the end of next month, I was asked to recite a poem, Ame ni mo makezu, written by one of the most well-known poets in Japan, Miyazawa Kenji at a morning assembly of an elementary school. This poem must have been translated into English by more than several writers but this latest version was published by a publisher in Kunitachi where I work. The head master found the newspaper article about this book of the poetry and ordered it to share with children. In the previous year, he asked all the students to recite the original poetry and most of students have learned by heart. When he got the book, he had an idea to exploit the beauty of humble Japanese spirit into the language learning via bilingual reciting sessions. I was impressed with his passion and agreed to help his project. So, from next week, I will introduce this poem to the 5th graders and have them recite some lines in order to have a collaborative reciting session at the end of Feb in their English class. In order to introduce it to children,  I started practicing,


Rain won't stop me.
Wind won't stop me.
Neither will driving snow.
Sweltering summer heat will only raise my determination.


This kind of Japanese spirit can be witnessed in some areas of the post-modern society but  it can be considered as out-dated and even too self-sacrificing. In fact, my spoilt mind, brought up in the post-modern era started to think, "Emm...this sounds amazing but I would like to stop when it rains so hard and the summer heat will definitely eliminate my determination..." But when I got to the following lines, I stopped reading and started thinking about a person I met at the first JALT conference back in 2011 that I participated as a volunteer.


With a body built for endurance,
a heart free of greed,
I'll never lose my temper,
trying always keep
a quiet smile on my face.


I didn't know who he was but a tall and big person with a warm and gentle smile on his face, came up to me after having the chaotic lunch curry task. The lunch duty was just like a nightmare with storm of complaints due to the errors we have made. We, the student volunteers, felt incompetent and completely down at that time. My stress level reached at the maximum and lost the excitements I felt in the morning because of the major mess we couldn't manage to handle well. Then, this person gave me a quiet smile and said in a quiet tone without any hints of sarcasm,

I was quite amused. I ordered seafood curry but I discovered it was chicken in my curry later. (chuckled pleasantly) Very mysterious and interesting lunch. Thank you.

That kind of humor in his words was exactly what I needed to hear then. Because of his words and presence, I managed to spend a superb time with other volunteers for the rest of the day. To my surprise, I found out that this person was the president of JALT much later. I didn't get a chance to thank him in person for his consideration and the quiet smile.

I will learn this poem by heart in memory of this gentle man with the quiet smile and a heart free of greed and anger, Mr. Cleary.

All this is my goal - the person
I wanted to become.

2014 New year's resolution

My uncle passed away a few days ago. I have no idea how he felt about his life. I don't know what his last word was. But I am quite sure that he lived his life in the way he believed. He was a hard worker, brought up two sons, loved his wife, cared his family and lived frugally. His favorite phrase was, "Luxury is the enemy". His little pleasure was drinking after work at a local bar with his wife. But after his wife died young, he even stopped going to a bar. He sat and had some sake at home alone most of the time. But I'd like to think that he felt content in his last moment because he loved his family including his grand children and was loved by them. I hope he reunites with his wife and rests in peace next to her.

Lately I really wished time would pass more rapidly with all the troubles I faced. Because I forgot life is really short and everything shall pass including sweet moments I cherish. Tonight I am in the living room, sitting on the sofa alone, thinking how fragile and brief yet so precious one's life is and asking myself how I would like to live.

The answer is quite simple: I would like to live mindfully. I would like to smile, breath and go slow as I deal things one at a time as if every moment is the last one. This will be my mantra this year: Smile, breath and go slow.

A Christmas Story

"Christmas, Christmas ever so overestimated annual event! " my mum screamed in the early morning. Her cry got us all get out of bed immediately and rushed into the kitchen.

In the kitchen, we all found Mum in her PJ, sitting on the floor, covered with white powder.

"Ah, are you ok?" Dad was the first one to dare to start a conversation.

"What do you think?" was her response. "Hah? Don't you see how upset I am? You have no idea why I am so upset, don't you? Hah? No idea at all!"

It wasn't exactly a promising comment for a nice and cozy family breakfast to take place. I was determined to contribute my idea to lighten up the heavy air and said,

"Can I have breakfast? I am hungry."

It was one of the worst lines I have ever uttered in my life.

"You just don't care, do you? I'm just a cook or a servant to you all, am't I? No interests for how I feel or what I do! You just don't give a thought about my well-being, my feelings, my life!!! I am just like a pot in the kitchen providing food, fulfilling your empty stomach. Or, or, or just a hoover cleaning the mess you make. I am not even visible to ya, am't I? You don't look at me. You don't notice any changes in me at all. You don't appreciate my presence at all. Why do I bother to cook, clean and organize the bloody Christmas party for people who don't respect and care my being?"

She was absolutely in a chaotic state of mind. She screamed lines and lines of hurting words like sharp knives in the core of your heart as she smashed dishes and glasses on the floor. It was more frightening than most of horror movies I've even seen. Dad and I stood helplessly beside Mum, wishing desperately her emotional tempest would eventually go away.

"Honey."

"Don't you Honey me now, you heartless bugger. What have you done for me lately? You just come home exhausted and sit on the couch sipping beer, doing nothing at all. What comes out from the mouth is either the depressing sigh or 'Oh, dear.'  You go out on your own with your mates and have fun outside. I always sit on the bloody kitchen chair alone, asking what happen to my happy days with laughters and full of music and friends to share the joy of being. "

"Ah..."

"You just don't listen to me, don't you? You don't care what I think, do you? Do you???"

"em...May I say something?"

"I am asking, am't I?"

"Right. Excuse my stupidity but I do care about you, my dear."

"No, you don't."

"Well, I am not here to argue with you on the matter. But I do know how I feel and I do care about you. I truly do."

"Then why don't you help me out for the house work?"

"I do when I can. But why do we argue on who do washings or not in such an early morning on Christmas Eve? Why did you start making cake in the morning?"

"Just because I invited some friends over the Christmas dinner and wanted to make it so special!"

"Did you ask us to help you out?"

"No. But you should volunteer for helping!"

"Well, I am sorry but I had no idea what's in your mind. Ok. What can I do to help you? Our daughter will help you too. Don't you, dear?"

My goodness! I thought to myself. I didn't know how tactful Dad can be with Mum. It must be a secret of long and lasting married couple with a stepchild. He is not my biological father but I wanted him to be at the moment. He was doing a terrific job to calm Mum down like a pro magician with his words. I was well-impressed with his skill and nodded so deeply with full approval with his suggestion.


"Well, I suppose we can start from doing something with the mess around here, can't we?"

Mum did not respond to that and sat down on a chair covered with flour.

"Well, you must be exhausted, dear. Please take a rest. We'll make you some tea and take care of this mess." said Dad and put the kettle on the stove.


I didn't dare to comment anything but gave the approved nod and joined his healing mission.

After all the mess was wiped and the fury was subsided, we all sat on the chairs at the kitchen table silently as we sipped the strong tea with plenty of milk together.

Dad mumbled, "Oh dear." and then covered his face in shame, apologizing, "Sorry. I did it again. Oh, dear..."

He looked up the ceiling in vain : I started giggling. Mum also started giggling. The hysterical giggle stayed for a while with us, sweeping the heavy air away.

Have a little more faith in yourself!

"Have a little more faith in yourself!" is the word I was given repeatedly by one of my best mates / mentors.
He probably has no memory of what he said because it always happened when he was extremely drunk. It was alway just before he lost his conscious due to the massive amount of alcohol, he looked into my eyes and said his line. He said that so many times that this line was engraved onto my mind and grows every single day even now. This memory comes back to me so vividly because of the party I had last night with bunch of lovely people.

After finishing to revise my paper on self-esteem, I cooked some food for the little christmas party. It was also a debut gig for Momo (my daughter). She was so reluctant to go with me, telling me how tired she felt and how boring it could be. But somehow my heart told me not to get her away from this opportunity to meet and mingle with unique, creative and inspiring individuals. So, I gave her the smile that said, "I won't take no for an answer". By now, she knows the awful consequences if she objects to the smile. So, she came along, dragging the heavy guitar and the heart.

She was in a devastating state of mind due to the terrible test score she got at school in spite of her tremendous effort. The worst news for her was that it was the English test. She got 58 in 60 in speaking test and full mark in listening but when it came to translation from Japanese to English, she got into one of the worst three in the 8th graders. She just couldn't memorize all the meaningless lines no matter how much she tried. It was heartbreaking time to see her struggle so much and lost all her self-esteem for such a tiny little matter like an English test at a Japanese school. But don't you remember the school life and test scores meant the whole world for you when you were 14? Perhaps it meant more in Japan for more students become more obedient to social rules in general. Momo is not an exception. She takes a measure, the school grades way too seriously and thinks she is a total loser. The school grades are one of the most influential measures for "success" but it is NOT a tool to measure your value as a human. I can't repeat this enough and I want her English teacher repeat this as well instead of killing all her enthusiasm towards learning and discovering unknown. The fatal line, the bullet in her heart from the teacher was, "You may not be able to go to the high school unless you try harder." This is a spit on your face. This is a kick in your already bruised butt. This is a bucket of cold water on your head on the freezing winter night. Such words humiliate you.  Such words pierce your heart and numb it. Little by little, I can see her heart stop taking things in due to the pain, humiliation, disappointment, despair that come along with heartless words like that. It is not even truthful. It is just a harsh and mean words reflecting the teacher's irritation towards his lack of ability to inspire and motivate his students. I've heard so many lines like that back in school days and I know that none of them are true now. But how do you know when you are just 14 and the school life occupies 80% of your conscious life?

I truly wished she had a friend like my best mate telling her repeatedly that how wonderful and special she is because who she is. I wish I could be her best friend but as you know for a teenager, a mum is a mum not a friend. She needed a person who has a faith in her. Someone who is not a member of her family and looks at her objectively and genuinely appreciates her presence in her/ his life. Someone like my best mate.

At the party, a big help from my partner and the amazing audience, Momo managed to play some tunes and got applause, telling her how wonderful performer she was. Except a few people in the crowd, no one really knew what mental state Momo was in and what she really needed. For me, those encouraging sweet words from them were the best Christmas gift I can ever think of for Momo. The words from the cool grown-ups who enjoy their lives and successful in their own way. They had no idea the impact of their words on her. But those words she heard last night were like the line I carry every single day, " Have a little more faith in yourself." By the time we got home after joining the second party at a bar, the little twinkles came back to her eyes. This morning she said, " It was fun.."

Her frozen heart has melted a little. Of course, it takes time to build more faith in herself. But at least, she experienced that there were the whole wider world with all jolly and lovely awesome grown-ups.
And those people appreciate her presence and talent.

Thanks to the jolly mates and their Christmas spirit. I truly wish you a very merry Christmas!!!