I am a quitter. I admit I get interested in so many things. But I never accomplished anything to be a pro-level. Then why haven't I quit learning English with the kids? This question is a recurrent one and pop up in my mind now and then.
Yesterday, I realized, "That's it! Because of this kind of moment!" This moment happened yesterday when I told kids that I might not be able to see them in the next academic year because I have no idea where I would work. I expected total apathy from them because the class has been super noisy and some kids got an attitude of teens. Their faces often say, "Whatever.." to me. And also it was the open school day, but nobody even tried to participate in the lesson, showing no motivation nor interests at all. I thought it was a total failure and the middle finger in my face. So, I didn't expect any of surprised faces. In fact, I expected no emotions from kids. To my surprise, some kids went, "Oh, no!" And those who got the attitudes said, "Boo!I want you to be our English teacher!" While I was in shock to utter anything, one of the noisiest and most challenged kids said to me,
I prefer you to teach us English. I don't understand English much, but I like your classes.
In my twisted grown-up mind started asking those questions: Was he joking? Is that sarcasm? He didn't mean it? Is that real? But then, I didn't care whether he meant it or not. That's what he said and it means a lot to me. I felt sad to know how my mind work nowadays for a second. Then, with all the mixed emotions came up from the heart and I was speechless for a while trying to hold the tears. "...... Wow, " I said and looked into his eyes. They were sincere without any hints of smart-ass-ness.
From his words, I realized I might be able to conceal my feelings, but I judged them only through my narrow perspective. It was disgustingly arrogant of me to judge some of kids just because they do not act as I expected. I really disgust myself from time to time. I learned again from kids that I should never assume how they feel. Never!Never!
If I ever get a chance to learn English with him again, I will thank him and promise that I would do my best. I might also ask him to help me to make the class more pleasurable via listening to each other more.