I blame this sentiment on the grayish sky. This morning the image of myself trying to circling movement on the horizontal bar over and over with Ruby Tuesday as a BGM keeps on flashing back to my mind. The combination of this recurrent image and the song must be some kind of reflection of my current mindset.
When I was the 1st grader, my teacher, Mrs. Takagi, experienced and passionate genuine educator with motherly love showing on her face, said to the class,
"We will practice backward circling movement on the horizontal bar today. "
Oh, no! I thought to myself.
As a bit chubby and slow kid, this kind of challenge means another chance to be a joke for the class. I couldn't see myself doing such a trick on a thin bar like a monkey. As I predicted, I couldn't do it in spite of my effort while others did it as if it was the easiest thing in the world. Children can be very brutal with a slow one especially with a little chubby girl who were as quiet as a mouse. I tried to be as low profile as possible back then because I knew how harshly I could be teased. But unintentionally Mrs. Takagi put me in the center of spotlight. Unfortunately this light wasn't really glorious. It was glooming to me. I don't recall exact words from other kids or anything but I remember the humiliation.
Then I remember as soon as I got back home I asked my mum to get a horizontal bar for me to practice.
I have no idea how she found the portable horizontal bar for me but I remember I put it right in front of a big tree in our backyard in order to use the trunk as a support to pull myself to the bar. I could pull myself up enough to spin around the bar when I used the tree trunk and this practice became my daily routine. After school, I came back right home and trained myself over and over on the horizontal bar under the tree till the sun hid behind the mountain. My mum as my best cheer leader must have said something encouraging but I don't recall any of that. All I remember is the sensation I felt inside when my body went up in the air and spin around the bar. As I did the same movement over and over, it became almost automatic and one day something miracle happened. It must have been a few weeks later since I started my secret self-training, I was able to pull myself up with only a step on the trunk. After a while I was enjoying the sensation of spinning around, I made a spin without using the tree trunk. I couldn't believed what happened and tried that again. Surely enough, I could do it. This event wasn't the last one I had to work so hard since I was a chubby and slow kid but I remember this triumph so vividly. Maybe just because it was my first big challenge and I was not a much of challenger back then. The horizontal bar and the big Ginkgo tree, the only witness of the moment of triumph, are gone but the memory remains.
At a face of a big challenge or change, I often think of this 6 year old little girl I once was and somehow everything looks possible if I put my effort enough. Ruby Tuesday is an ideal person I always long to be. She is carefree and fearless. So the combination of the image and the song is the most powerful mood booster and I am glad it came back to me today.